Time-Travel: The Obvious Solution

I cannot believe how under-rated time-travel is. Besides not existing, it is the single-most effective way of unfucking things up.

I have read on the internet that some scientists are working on time-travel machines and are constantly coming up short. Now I immediately believe everything I read on the internet and that might be a problem. But not as big a problem as reading that only "some" scientists are working on it. Why not all of them?

Not that all scientific studies are worthless, but some are genuinely mind-boggling when you think that at least some funding went into these actual studies:

1. Being homeless is bad for your health:

I don't need to say anything more on this except thank god they did not come to the opposite conclusion. I am not strong enough to live my life as a homeless hipster typing on a Macbook* inside a Starbucks. That is what they mean by homeless don't they?

2. Study shows beneficial effect of electric fans in extreme heat and humidity:

As opposed to using a space heater in extreme heat and humidity? Before this study came out I used to lay in bed at night and marvel at the three rotating blades on the ceiling thinking it was some kind of a fusion reactor. I can now safely tug on that little string hanging from it to enjoy some moving air.

Side Note: Why the hell in America do we still have ceiling fans operated by those strings!? How is this not the most important issue facing us in this country? Switching ON the fan is still a bearable exercise, but it is so infuriating when someone asks me to switch OFF the fan. It takes all of my energy, concentration & math skills to count the number of tugs I performed and simultaneously stare at the fan to evaluate whether it is slowing down or moving faster, straining my eyes and neck in the process. The only beneficiaries in this ceiling fan model of democracy are doctors and health insurance companies.

3. Quitting smoking after heart attack reduces chest pain, improves quality of life:

Yes, but the side-effects may include social anxiety, as quitting smoking may reduce your coolness quotient by a factor of 10. Some may argue that using your mouth as a chimney to blow out smoke as if your lungs were set on fire is not really cool in the first place. But we don't judge here, we only spend millions of dollars to research whether this is true or not.

I took quite the detour there to come back to my original point, but I had to make my case by providing a proof by contradiction. This proves not only that all the scientists in the world must work on time-travel devices, but also what happens when they don't. It's almost as if they have a mind of their own.

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*Not that you care but I don't use a Macbook. The only reason I mentioned it was because when you think of 'typing' you immediately think of a Macbook, as it is just an over-cooked typing machine. I hear it still doesn't play any games.

#politics #economy #conflict #europe